What’s Your Theory of Joy?

When Eb Davis and I joined other Templeton-funded practitioner-scholars to explore how teens cultivate joy, we were captivated by how meaningful this work could be. We also realized how outrageous it is to promise joy that’s resilient and real.

Not surface-level happiness. Not just “things are going well.” But something deep. Steady.

Authentic. What actually produces that kind of joy? As we teamed up with Yale-hosted smarties over four years, we had to lock this in: What was our theory of joy?

What’s yours?

We all have one, even if we’ve never named it. Your “theory of joy” is revealed in how you live every day.

• Some people believe joy comes from approval → If people like me, I’ll feel good.

• Others from achievement → If I succeed, I’ll feel satisfied.

• Others chase comfort or control → If life goes my way, I’ll be okay.

These aren’t crazy ideas. After decades of youth ministry, we’ve seen adolescents adopt them—even see them work…for a while. But they don’t hold up when life gets hard. And they cannot produce lasting joy.

But Jesus can.

His starting point isn’t a behavioral recipe. He calls us into relationship. In John 15, he says: “Abide in me… and you will bear much fruit.” And then: “I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.”

Any serious exploration of joy must wrestle with that claim. Life-management can’t deliver true joy. Staying in companionship with Jesus can.

The word abide simply means to stay, remain, live in ongoing connection. Weekly church attendance? Often just a check-in. Inviting Jesus into plans we’ve already made? That’s inclusion, not abiding.

The apostle Paul lived the difference. His words are unmistakable: “I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” (Philippians 3:8)

His clarity must not be dismissed as religious talk. Paul found something so compelling in Jesus that everything else faded. His theory of joy was rooted in knowing Jesus.

Bonus finding… Paul’s singular obsession looks a lot like what psychologist Angela Duckworth calls grit: Passion + perseverance in pursuit of a single goal. Seen through Jesus’ teaching, Ebonie and I concluded that “single goal” is simply—and profoundly—life with Jesus. Confessional belief in him or studied knowledge about him doesn’t cut it. Living with Jesus is the grit that defined Jesus’ followers, however unschooled and ordinary they might be (see Acts 4:13).

Day by day. Moment by moment. Grit-as-faith is a steady commitment to remain connected to Jesus. Our theory of joy is built on that life with him.

If we’re honest, not all of us who claim to be Christians are living that way. And when we aren’t, resilient joy is rarely visible to the teens in our orbit.

We’ve noticed three common “life centers” that can’t deliver the real deal.

• Other-Oriented people look sideways, taking cues from others. Approval drives them. In a social media age, this has become a soul-crushing norm among teens.

• Jesus-Included people check in with God, but he doesn’t define their lives.

• Jesus-Attached people lean on Jesus but drift when following him costs too much.

Only Jesus-Centered people live from him. Decisions, identity, and direction flow from their relationship with Jesus. They have grit-as-faith, and it results in joy.

There’s a revealing moment in John 21. After Jesus told Peter what following him would cost, Peter looked at John and asked: “What about him?” It’s a human moment—comparison, deflection, status-seeking. Jesus responded: “What is that to you? You follow me.”

Looking sideways is a grit-crippler. Stay centered. With Jesus.

If joy flows from abiding—and abiding requires grit’s focus—then we must do whatever it takes to deepen our companionship with Jesus. Eb and I are still exploring how habits help us stay connected. In Grit & Joy we tested four habits with young people. I’m a playful guy, so renaming them here is simply my way to entice readers to read our book and translate them for yourselves:

• cultivate kneel down friends

• practice drill down mornings

• embrace slow down weeks

• share lay down stories

None of these are complicated. But they are powerful. Over time, they help shift where our lives are centered.

Those of us who claim to love Christ can demonstrate that our grit-as-faith is authentic. Our kids are watching. And when resilient joy shows up, we become must-see hosts of hope for the teens we love. Count on it.