We sometimes think it’s just our kids who have a problem with using their phones too much, but we adults struggle, too. I remember the man who came up to me after a speaking event. He confessed, “It’s not my kids that I have a problem with. It’s my wife.”
What had begun as a positive use of social media to stay in touch with her friends had turned into an obsession for this man’s wife. She had started using social media to encourage women at church, forwarding short verses or prayers to women in need. A good start, right?
But now, his wife was constantly scanning her social media feed, even on date nights. Her husband’s friends dubbed her the Instagram queen.
This husband didn’t know what to do. He said, “She is such a great wife in every other way. I’ve talked to her about this, but she doesn’t stop. I don’t want to nag her about it, but it drives me crazy when we’re driving in the car and she’s on her phone.”
This husband is probably not alone in his frustration. Many times in a marriage, one spouse uses technology more than the other. We can be glued to our phones while we’re walking from the car to the store. At home, it’s easy to face a screen and get lost in it. We’re busy checking emails, social media, stock prices, sports, news, and text messages. Headlines grab our attention and curiosity, while our spouses and children sometimes go unnoticed.
No one wants to compete with a screen to get a loved one’s attention.
If you tend to be the one catching up on texts, emails, and social media instead of simply being completely present with your spouse or kids, here are a few ideas to get less entangled by technology and more connected to your loved ones:
When your phone beeps, don’t pick it up immediately. I know you’re curious about what that text says, but practice that self-discipline of waiting. Restrain yourself from responding to everything that comes across your phone in a rushed manner. That text or email will still be there in a few minutes.
When my kids were younger, they would hear my phone beep at home and instantly take it off the shelf and run it to me. “Don’t worry,” I said. “I can check that later.” I wanted to show them that the phone isn’t urgent all the time.
Practice a digital Sabbath. The Ten Commandments include keeping the Sabbath holy. The Lord knew we would need a constant time each week to rest, reflect, and be renewed. Unplugging from the digital world once a week to be refreshed would do a great deal of good in our families.
No screens at mealtimes. Instead of eating food under the glow of the television or being interrupted by phone calls, use mealtimes for conversation. Get in the habit of putting your phones away at meals. That way, you will not be that family in the restaurant who is sitting around the table, each family member looking down at his or her phone or tablet.
Set a timer when you use social media. A while back, I was on a radio show. Someone called in to say how she began checking her social media page, and then three hours later, she realized she hadn’t moved out of her chair! The time can get away from us, can’t it? Try setting a timer for 15 minutes. This will help you realize how much time you are actually spending on social media. Be intentional about how much time you will spend each day on social media.
Remember the husband who was frustrated about his social media-scrolling wife? I don’t know what has happened to them. I don’t know if she has been able to curb her appetite for the online world and look her husband straight in the eyes during date night. But I hope she has.
We can change. We don’t have to be known as social media kings and queens. Instead, we can place our phones and all things digital after our family and friends.
