My grandma gave us this poem when we got married, almost 30 years ago. We kept it on our fridge for the longest time. About 15 years ago, we found a painting of it, and it now hangs in our bedroom. It is called “The Art of Marriage.”
A good marriage must be created.
In marriage the little things are the big things.
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say I love you at the end of each day.
It is never going to bed angry.
It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other a safe place in which to grow.
It is not only marrying the right person. It is being the right person.
Here are our top five points of a healthy marriage in the midst of ministry.
1. Keep God first. By loving God more than your spouse, you will always be humble enough to love your spouse more than humanly possible. This makes for a beautiful marriage.
“But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33).
In 2016, for Christmas, my mom got us the Daily Guideposts devotional book. At first, I thought it was so silly, but now, as I look back, it was just a catalyst for starting my habit of daily Bible reading.
There are awesome podcasts out there that you can utilize in your personal time with Jesus. The Bible Recap takes you through the Bible in a year. This year, I am using Let’s Read the Gospels by Annie F. Downs. He Reads Truth/She Reads Truth are great study tools that allow you to do the same study together with gender specific devotional readings to go along with your Scripture reading.
2. Divorce is not an option. From the beginning, remove the word “divorce” from your vocabulary. People do not look for a door where one does not exist. When Jesus is at the center of your marriage, He is the third strand that holds your marriage together (Ecclesiastes 4:12).
“What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Mark 10:9).
The world sells the idea of cohabitation as a sort of test run. But the truth is that couples are 60% more likely to divorce if they live together before marriage. It conditions them to the idea that if “this,” whatever this is, doesn’t work out or gets hard, then they can go their own separate ways.
3. Marriage is not 50-50. Make it your goal to give 100% every day.
“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men” (Colossians 3:23).
There will be days when one of you falls short. Make it your goal to give 100 percent every day. That way you're both covered. Every day, forever!
4. Keep dating. Your marriage must be a priority. Seek God first, then your spouse. Never stop dating and pursuing each other. Value and celebrate your love.
“I will rise now and go about the city, in the streets and in the squares; I will seek him whom my soul loves.” (Song of Solomon 3:2a).
When we were first married, our “dates” were grocery shopping at Walmart or a cup of coffee out. I remember the first time we intentionally decided to go out and set a “no talking about the kids” rule. Wow! That was really difficult! We had to work to find things to talk to each other about. Sometimes our date would just be sitting on the back porch and talking after the kids went to bed. Now, we have regularly scheduled date nights on Wednesday nights. We also really look forward to our annual pre-Christmas getaway.
Too many of our friends have ended up in divorce after their kids left the house and they realized they didn’t know one another anymore, or for that matter, even like each other. They never went on dates or vacations without the kids. They put their kids first before their marriage, which is sad and unbiblical.
5. Fix yourself and not your spouse. Work to be kinder and gentler. Be the person your spouse married. Listen well. Be intentional.
“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3).
Make sure you have people in your life you can have fun with. Have hobbies individually and with your spouse. Invest in counseling or therapy. Find friends, confidants, therapists, and mentors to walk with you as individuals and as a couple!
Remember, your calling is yours. Your spouse and your kids may not be called into the same areas. Encourage them to find their calling and use their God-given talents where they can best be served. God has called you, and He will continue to bless you as you walk this out!
