One common concern I often hear from parents and other adult church members about including children in the corporate worship setting is that kids won’t “get” anything out of the worship or the sermon. From an adult perspective, there are certain things we want to walk away from church with such as a sense of having been in God’s presence or having learned something that will help us grow in our faith. We presumably come to church for a reason and it is easy for us to assume those same reasons apply to our kids.
But they probably don’t.
You see, your kids are young in their faith. They don’t understand the desire for fellowship, the beauty of corporate worship, or the need for continued learning and growth in their walk with Christ. They go to church because they follow you to church; they are your disciples and they are learning what being a Christian looks like by watching and emulating you (if I were a psalmist, I’d write a “Selah” after that and encourage you to “stop and think about” that for a moment).
So, parents often express this concern:
My kids are only going to church because I make them. It’s bad enough when they are going to Sunday School where they get to have fun, but when they are just sitting in “big church” and they don’t get anything out of it, it seems rather pointless.
I get it, I do! I have kids and I know that often the worship service is geared toward adults only and not applicable or appropriate for kids. I too have struggled with the fact that they don’t seem to “get” anything out of those corporate times. But I have also seen and read many studies that show definitively that these times of worship and learning in the midst of the larger congregation are one of the leading reasons for increased “stickiness” of faith in young adults. Thus, there must be something to it, even if what they get out of church is not the same as what we adults “get” out of attending church service.
So, what is it? What do kids “get” out of going to “big church”?
- They get SEEN
I have been at churches where I have seen kids dropped off by parents in the Children’s Area as soon as they walk in the door and picked up, as it is time to leave. More than once I’ve heard it said in the hallway, “You have kids? I had no idea!” That makes my heart hurt.
It has been shown that one of the most important and meaningful thing for kids is that someone knows their name. When kids are secluded from the congregation, not only are their names unknown, their faces aren’t even recognized. They are for the most part a dismissible part of the church and wouldn’t be missed except by a few volunteers and staff members if they never came back…which is often exactly what happens when they are old enough to do so.
- They get to SEE
One of the main ways that kids learn is through emulation, by watching activities and actions and imitating them. Every church I’ve been to has had its own form of liturgy or way to worship. Some churches have prayers that are prayed each service. Some celebrate communion. Some engage in corporate prayer, take up offerings, recite a creed, or have a time for sharing testimonies. Some use hymnals, some projectors with contemporary praise and worship. During the service, Scripture is read, Bibles are opened, and the Word comes to life.
All of these things are imperative for kids to be discipled in. It may seem like they are not “getting” anything out of it, but they are learning and growing in those moments. They are watching Mom and Dad and other adults they respect and trust show them how to worship. And if they don’t learn from the church, they will learn somewhere else. The world has plenty of things to worship and is more than willing to teach kids how to do so.
- They get EXPERIENCE
For a moment, I want you to think back on your own walk of faith. Do you remember the first time you took communion? Got baptized? Found a Scripture verse in the Bible by yourself? Put money in the offering plate? Prayed at the altar? Maybe even shared in front of church?
For many of us, those things happened in the context of congregational worship. Now, I bet you did some of those things in Sunday School or Kids Church before you did them with the larger congregation, but I also bet there was something meaningful and affirming about doing it with the whole church.
When my girls got baptized, they shared their testimony in front of the church and after the baptism, the congregation cheered and hugged them and loved on them in a way that left deep impressions on their hearts of their place in God’s church. We don’t attend that church anymore since we moved, but the experience of being accepted in the body of Christ has stayed with them. Having the experience of an entire congregation embracing them gave them a sense of belonging that is not easily forgotten.
It would be naive to think that this is a simple or easy task.
Kids are…kids. Churches would be wise to find ways to make it easier to invite kids into worship. Parents should be prepared for the inevitable eye rolls of boredom or occasional acting out and having to do follow-up after the service to reinforce what was taught.
But I firmly believe these frustrations of the moment are far less painful than the alternative—a generation who is unknown, disengaged, and separated from the larger body of Christ.
By giving our children a place to be seen, to see, and to experience their faith with others, we give them so much more—we give them a foundation for their faith that will leave lasting impressions on their heart.
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I completely agree with all you have said here, I have often said that Church is the most segregated society that I know of. We have the little kids, then the middle sized kids, youth and the adults. We never co-mingle. In my estimation, we are training our kids to think of Church as play and when they become young adults they drop out. They are not developing the habit of coming to Church. No wonder we don’t have young people in our Churches, Our congregations are made up of people who came to Church before age-level ministries was the thing. Of course they don’t understand everything. I don’t either but they will learn if they are exposed.
Agreed, and more…..
I had a comment coming to me to please remove children from worship services because they are disturbing some adults. That broke my heart.
I bet you directed said individual to Luke 18:15-17, and that right speedily!
Thank you, I agree with you and the younger our kids are a part of big church the younger they can actually be a part of the church family. We are suppose to be the ones discipling our kids in worship and big church is one of the places we can do that. Bring the kids in, you won’t be disappointed. And to the person who tells me well they won’t understand everything I say, well do you really understand everythng? I find that sometimes the kids get it better then the adults really do.
I often find myself wondering if our adults lack an understanding for their own reasons for attending church. If this is the case, we can be assured that there is a gap in the kids’ understanding the reason(s) for attending as well. This would likely prevent the reassurance and answers for all the “whys” and “whats” they would encounter both during and after a worship service as well as leaving much to be desired from such an experience.
There is much I agree with here. We have seen great benefit in including the kids in the first set of worship and for them to have a children’s moment with the pastor before heading to their own age-specific programming. During their time with the adults, I’ve been able to model worship for my kids (often with their mimicking me by raising their own hands in worship), and we give the kids a chance to see the larger church community. That said, it is still incredibly important that kids have their own relevant teaching in a safe and fun environment. It is simply unacceptable for churches to invest so heavily in programming for adults, while kids are often relegated to the basement, taking part in programs that run on bare-bones budgets or where the nursery isn’t staffed. When a kids ministry is top notch, we win their parents over. When kids take part in their own programming, it gives parents a chance to worship and focus on God’s Word for a few brief moments (moments that are certainly fleeting for stay-at-home parents). When we have a fully-staffed nursery, we’re giving a great first impression to young families– that their kids are valuable to us. When the curriculum and teaching is high quality and relevant to them, kids soak up biblical truth in a way that would never happen when they are sitting with the adults. It’s also important to remember the 4/14 Window– that 70% of all Christians come to faith in Jesus before the age of 14. We need to heavily invest in kids. Kids are our mission field.
Sunday School is their age level learning experience. In adult Church they absorb much more than we give them credit for. Their brains are like sponges and when they are in Church they hear things to question and grow. Our minister has wonderful 5 or 10 minute Children’s Messages but they are still hearing things that are at their age level and nothing to make them stretch.
great truth here
I was just thinking about my girls and church and I came across your post. The church we attend is quite small. They don’t enjoy going into the youth groups because they claim they don’t have friends or ppl don’t befriend them. They feel like outcasts. 🙁 ( our church is predominantly of one race and we are another) I worry that they won’t get anything from it because they are worried about other things. My eldest even had such an unpleasant experience with one of the girls making a point to mention she was not of their race.
It makes sense that they will get something from sitting with us in the main service and watching mom and dad, but I worry. I would love to have them love church. I love the message and the Pastor at my church but I too am not crazy about the worship. It feels like something is missing:(. The only reason we go is because the Pastor has helped us so much in our marriage thru counseling and now mentoring with another couple.
Idk what to do honestly.