It seems like lately I’ve had one overwhelming, absorbing thought pervading me, consuming my mental energies and my emotional storehouses, ransacking my prayer life, and dominating my conversations.
One thought that’s becoming an… obsession? Maybe.
But, y’all, I have got to get to the bottom of this.
The question is two fold (the first portion of which I offer no thoughts, because I’m confounded by it): To what ends of the earth do you seek for true intimate, personal fellowship, if such even exists in such a readily available form (aside from the wonderful-yet-impersonal-and-not-enough fellowship that happens on Sunday mornings… and occasionally on Facebook or by text message), AND how can I insure that within the walls of my house, these six God-appointed family members of mine grow steadily more deeply, inseparably, and meaningfully in true fellowship?
I haven’t even come close to getting this beast figured out. I feel like I’m wading through muck, my feet stuck under vacuum-packed sludge. Meanwhile, my frantic desire to make sure my children grow up to have healthy fellowship with their father, their siblings, and me, has hijacked all of my normal daily desires.
Because, here’s the thing, it seems like a lot of people turn out to be Cray. You know it’s true. People just seem to go crazy, and I’m beginning to think that we might all be a bit crazy. Most of us are pretty flawed by our own baggage, whatever it is. I’ve begun to have fears about what baggage I’m inadvertently passing along to for my little loves to carry. To add insult to injury, at some really depressing point in life I realized that most people I know aren’t good friends with their siblings or are disenchanted with their parents. yuck. I mean really, like really, I want my children to grow up and NOT think I screwed them up. I really want to succeed at not screwing them up. Like, I really really want to.
So in the interest of social and familial health and promotion of true, fulfilling fellowship, I’ve identified a few things I want to model for my kiddos, and that I want to focus on in child-rearing. These things, I feel, are relationship-killing bad habits. (Note: don’t remind me how many other relationship-killing bad habits exist outside of these, I don’t think my brain can handle any more.)
Transparency, honesty, trusting selflessness. And loyalty.
And the Word.
These things have come to have very deep, very penetrating meaning to me. Desperately I desire for my children to become adults who possess these traits in excess. I know that desire gives birth to fruit in prayer…and I’m really banking on that.
Because the older I get the more I realize that I don’t possess these things myself. I’m trying, oh I’m trying. But it’s not easy, ya know?
In fellowship, let’s pray together for all our children, for the army we are rearing to take our places as His church on earth, that they grow in selfless, honest, candid, deep, spirit-filled fellowship, and maybe they can teach the rest of us how to do it. And if your own bank of wisdom offers insight on the first portion of my question about fellowship, please feel free to pass along your thoughts.